Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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