The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
