wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize