no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
