So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
