hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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