I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
