I need to stop coming to work sober
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
