I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
