I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize