If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
