You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize