i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
