i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
