If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
