god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
