who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize