Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
