IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
