Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
