I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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