It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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