A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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