it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
