I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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