I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
