Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
