tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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