no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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