I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
