i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
