Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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