____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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