Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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