At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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