I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We had sex on a dog bed..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
