shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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