Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
