I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The Olympian is in my bed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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