At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
