Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
