dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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