just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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