HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
