Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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