You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
