my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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