Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
