Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
