where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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