nut hugger
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
