I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
