I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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