I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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