I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
