I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
