he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
