dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
