Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
