I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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