Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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