you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
