I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
