Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
