Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize