I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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