Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
